“We must be willing to get rid of the life we’ve planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us.” ~ Joseph Campbell
As expected, I went through a lot of emotions on this journey. I was angry, I was hurt, I was confused, I was heartbroken, I was sad, I was mad. I didn't want to leave a place where I felt at home, but as weeks passed it felt less and less like a safe place. I felt a desperate hunger to read the Bible and know what God had to say about the topics I was struggling with. I felt an (unwanted) need to study theology and read books that didn't appeal to me generally. As I studied and read and pondered and prayed, I kept feeling like there was some kind of future purpose for all this. Some way to share what I had gone through and how it affected me. In a lot of ways, this blog feels like the fruition of that feeling of purpose. But perhaps there is more.
“God, make a fresh start in me, shape a Genesis week from the chaos of my life.” ~ Psalm 51:10
“Beginnings hold the promise of hope, the expectation of the new and fresh. They are a chance to start over or anticipate.” ~ Nancy Ortberg
God is big on new beginnings. He is in the business of taking us from where we were to the places He wants us to be. He is more than capable of turning the pain of our past into the promise of tomorrow. The Bible is full of stories of people who messed up - some of them big time and some of them what we might consider small or not at all - who God chose to use for His purpose and for His glory. While we may not be able to understand why God does the things He does, or why He chooses to use our broken, messed up selves, we can cling to the knowledge that He is faithful, He is in control and He is God.
“Perhaps…the most important thing is to keep on; not to be discouraged however often one yields to the temptation; but always to pick yourself up again and ask forgiveness.” ~ C.S. Lewis
“When God forgives, He never casts up at us the mean, miserable things we have done. ‘I have blotted out, as a thick cloud, thy transgressions, and, as a cloud, thy sins.’ A cloud cannot be seen when it is gone.”
~ Oswald Chambers
I mess up. I make poor choices. I hurt people who I love. I don't usually intend to do it, but I let my selfishness get in the way of being loving and forgiving. I am definitely not perfect. But when I mess up, I go to God and ask forgiveness. He is ready and willing to forgive and even more exciting...to forget. He never brings up our past. We do that often enough on our own...and definitely Satan likes to bring up our past and tries to make us believe that God couldn't possibly truly forgive, let alone forget all the terrible things we've done. But he's wrong...God does forgive and God does forget.
"Never limit God by remembering what you have done in the past. When you come into relation with the Reality of Redemption God creates something in you that was... never there before; it is the active working of the life of God in you; consequently you can do now what you could not do before." ~ Oswald Chambers
“Though I fall, I will rise again.” ~ Micah 7:8
It can be hard...perhaps it even feels impossible...to move forward from our past. And we will never be perfect. We will always mess up. We will always need forgiveness. We will always have to begin again. But if we put our life in God's hands, we know that we are in the best possible place. He wants to make us new. He wants to work in our lives for good and make good things come from our life. Even from our past. We just have to keep trying...keep trusting...keep depending on God to see us through. And He is faithful and He is trustworthy and He is dependable and He loves us.
“We don’t always succeed in what we try – certainly not by the world’s standards – but I think you’ll find it’s the willingness to keep trying that matters most.” ~ Mister Rogers
“Courage doesn’t always roar. Sometimes courage is the little voice at the end of the day saying, ‘I will try again tomorrow.’”
~ Mary Anne Radmacher
God knows everything about us. Even the things we think are hidden - He knows. He knows the things we share willingly with Him or with others. He knows the things we want to hide - from others and sometimes from ourselves. He knows our emotions, our struggles, our hurts, our fears. He made us and He knows us intimately. And the only reason we can move forward from our past is because of Who He is and what He has done for us. Without the sacrifice of His Son and the resurrection that followed, we would never be able to measure up...we can't measure up. But Jesus stands in our place - His righteousness makes us righteous in God's eyes. And when we believe that, we can be free to live a new life in Christ.
“The God of the universe, the one who holds the stars and the moon in place, knows everything about you and loves you with unprecedented abandon. He knows the good, the bad, and the ugly. He knows the things you are proud of and the things you hide. He knows it all, and he invites you to come just as you are and live the dream he has for you.”
~ Sheila Walsh
“…you are adequate because God is. So whether you are feeling not-good-enough or comfortably adequate in yourself, the Lord knows and he is able. You are a servant of a new covenant – not a law-based, do-it-yourself kind of faith, but a grace-based, Jesus-already-did-it kind. This faith is based on his finished work, not our work yet to be done. So let me encourage you to lead from that place, a place of dependence, a place of freedom, a place of complete security.” ~ Emily P. Freeman
God has a plan for our lives. He knows what He wants us do. He knows what choices we will make. He knows when we will mess up. He knows when we ask forgiveness. He knows how He will make beauty from ashes. It doesn't always makes sense...especially when we're in the midst of pain and suffering and hurt...but if we can just place our faith and trust in Him and His plan we can have joy.
“For we are God’s masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things He planned for us long ago.”
~ Ephesians 2:10
The below verse is another version of one I mentioned earlier...and it's like a prayer. I'm praying it for me...and for you.
“Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me. Do not cast me from Your presence or take Your Holy Spirit away from me. Restore to me the joy of Your salvation and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me.” ~ Psalm 51:10-12
Dear heavenly Father, thank You for Your forgiveness and Your plan for my life. Thank You for taking the pain of the past and making it into a beautiful future that shows Your goodness and grace. Please help me to depend on You, to remember that I'm always in Your presence, to never give up and to keep turning back to You when I fail. Thank You for Your salvation and help me to live for You. To obey. To live and move and have my being in You. Help me to be as gracious and forgiving toward others as You are toward me. Help me to trust You for the new beginnings You have for my life. Thank You for loving me. I love you. Amen.